Also posted on sci-fi-gene.blogspot.com

Scene: MI6 headquarters. There’s an impressive glass-projection computer screen, but it’s showing a DOS error message and the display is rotated 90 degrees. M is on the phone.

Bond: (via mobile): “Can you get me anything on Dominic Green?”
M: “Hang on a second, 007 – just checking the social services database now… Sorry, it’s not accepting my password again. Ah. There are 7,000 Dominic Greens – anything more specific?”
Bond: “He’s plotting to overthrow several governments.”
M: “Unemployed then. Right – think this must be him – sending picture now.”
Bond: “…Sorry, can’t view it on this phone you’ve issued me with – can you send it as a jpeg?”
M: “No.”
Bond: “Oh well. Anything else on the social services database?”
M: “Sorry 007, that part of the database was in a CD-Rom we sent over to the Treasury by courier.”
Bond: “The one that turned up on ebay two weeks later?”
M: (sighs) “Who’d have thought dr_no_mwahaha1 would have bid so high?”
Bond: “How about the NHS record system?”
M: “System’s still down. The contractor’s gone bust again and we can’t get through to the helpdesk.”
Bond: “Criminal Record Bureau?”
M: “Fill in the form and send it in – they’ll get back to you in about three months.”
Female Virgin Mobile voice: “You have 30 seconds and 15 texts remaining.”
Bond: “I need answers. Now.”
M: “OK – I’ve got his online tax returns but that’s about all. Shall I put it on an unencrypted flash drive and leave it on the Circle Line for you to pick up as usual?”
Bond: (hangs up)