[Some teens queue outside a club. A dealer sidles over. Unusually, he is wearing a tweed jacket.]
Dealer - Alright? Everybody having a good time, yeah?
Boy - Yeah. What’s it to you?
Dealer - Oh me? Honest John? Nuffink. Nuffink. Very public spirited is Honest John. Just enquiring… [pause] [mumbles] Want some words?
Girl - Pardon?
Dealer - Wanna buy some words? A bit of romance? Comedy? A thriller for the lady, perhaps? Something a bit longer perhaps? More meaty? The Odessey?
[Blank expressions.]
Dealer - [Whispers.] A book!
Boy - Oh. Um yeah, ok.
Girl - No!
Boy - It’s alright, I know what I’m doing. I’ve done it before. What’ve you got?
Dealer - That’s my boy. I got some crazy wicked stuff for you.
Boy - I want something that’ll change my perspective. Mind opening.
Dealer - Gulliver?
Boy - Did that last time.
Dealer - Ah… the young man is a conoisseur! Ever heard of Alice?
Boy - Alice?
Dealer - [To the boy] It’s trippy man. It’s like Gulliver on acid. You want Alice. It’s out of this world. [To the girl] You like cats?
Girl - Um. Kittens, yeah.
Dealer - You’ll love it. It’s got a giant talking cat. And a caterpillar. And-
Girl - Isn’t it a bit antisocial though?
Dealer - Nah. This stuff’s the business. I’m talking Read Out Loud. Honest John dishes out only the highest quality literary entertainment. A little bit of this before bedtime and pow! Know what I mean?
Boy - Um. No?
Dealer - Very imaginative stuff this. Lemme tell you - you get into this, you’ll never want to come down.
Boy - Alright, I’m getting one. What about you?
Girl - Um…
Dealer - It’s cheaper if you get it with the sequel.
Boy - Both then!
Dealer - You will not regret this my friend. No you will not.
[Police rush on to the scene.]
Cop 1 - Narcotics and Culture Division! Hold it right there!
Dealer - [Slowly and carefully.] I’m just putting my hand inside my jacket.
Cop 1 - Ok. That sounds reasonable. Sound reasonable to you?
Cop 2 - Sounds reasonable to me.
Cop 1 - No funny business though.
[Dealer reaches inside his jacket and pulls out Alice in Wonderland.]
Cop 1 - He’s got a book! He’s got a book! [Into his radio] HQ this is Oscar Bravo Tango 12 requesting immediate backup. We have engaged an academic! Repeat! We have engaged an academic!
Cop 2 - Put the book down, sir.
Dealer - [Reads the first few sentences of Alice in Wonderland.]
[Both cops sit on the floor and cross their legs, entranced and listening eagerly.]
[Scene fades to black. Text appears: DEPARTMENT OF NARCOTICS AND CULTURE]
VO - Citizen! Do you know where your kids are tonight? Is your child a bookie? Look out for the danger signs:
[Outline glasses appear and the word: ‘SPECTACLES!’]
VO - spectacles!
[Outline patch appears and the word: ‘PATCHES!’.]
VO - elbow patches!
[An audio symbol appears and the word: ‘THOUGHT!’]
VO - thoughtful silences!
[All symbols disappear. Heading remains.]
VO - Your children could be going to unhygenic book dens, or ‘libraries’, and stoking up on the vilest kinds of fiction - often referred to as ‘high arts’. The Department of Narcotics and Culture regularly finds evidence of classics and poetry during raids, often left alongside disgusting piles of used up and shared musical instruments. Sheet music funds terrorism!
[Text appears: INFORMATION LINE: 0800 888 8888]
VO - Help us put a stop to these abberant practises! Call the Department of Narcotics and Culture Information Line, and do something about it!
[Text appears: TOGETHER WE CAN STOP ENQUIRING MINDS!]
VO - Together we can put a stop to enquiring minds!
