[Performed by a bunch of men with fake pipecleaner-attached beards. Tony is an obvious spoof of Tony Robinson from time team. Bill talks with a west country accent.]

[Timeteam music plays.]

Tony – Now, it’s been a very exciting day on the site today. We’ve found some remains, some pottery, and – ooh, it looks like maybe some more. What’ve you got there, Bill?

Bill – Well, I’ve nearly finished a beautiful pot.

Tony – [laughs] No, Bill. You’ve just found one, haven’t you.

Bill – The paint’s dried, and I’ve nearly finished puttin’ the dust on. Then all I have to do is chip a few bits out and bury the rest.

Tony – Good one, that Bill. Always kidding. Bill’s found a beautiful pot in remarkably good condition. What period do we think its from, Bill?

Bill – Hang on a minute. I’ll see what we wrote on the bottom.

Tony – Right. Bill. Lets try again, shall we?

[music starts: nik nak paddy whack]

# This old pot, made of clay.
# Finished just in time today.

# Bury it, dig it up,
# Must have been from Rome!
# Found it with this heap of bones.

# These old bones, in a pile.
# Laid them out in Latin style.

# Bury them, dig ‘em up,
# Must have been from Rome!
# Found them with this chip of stone.

# This old stone, could be flint.
# Could be almost anything.

# Bury it, dig it up,
# Make theories of your own.
# Plug ‘em in your TV show.

# This old purse. Now been brushed,
# Paint on dust and paint on rust.

# Bury it, dig it up,
# Announce you’ve found the mint
# Ethically we’re fucking skint.

# We don’t care
# We don’t care
# We don’t care if your house falls down

# Bury it, underground
# Give us all the rights
# We’ll dig it up with dynamite!

[an archaeologist pushes a plunger, and cut to footage of a field exploding]