An instructional videogram, offering detailed insight into this fascinating ceremony, still performed in some parts of the world even today.

A park scene, with a few trees. We hear the twittering of birds. Nothing much happens for about 20 seconds.

The camera slowly pans upwards, until we see 5 or 6 park wardens crouched in the tree squeaking dog toys to make the twittering.

[Another annoucement outside the saucer. The speakers crackle, and the alien speaker clears his throat.]

[Cut to destitute survivors sitting around their radios.]

Annoucement - Attention people of Earth! We shall leave this planet in peace, as soon as the secret of your instant penis enlargement immediate satisfaction guaranteed is revealed to us!

[Sun rises over the saucer.]

[Cut to inside the saucer, both aliens are getting up.]

Alien 1 - How long have we been on this godforsaken rock?

Alien 2 - I know not.

Alien 1 - What are you collecting from the portal?

Alien 2 - More bloody junk mail.

[Cut to outside the saucer. An attachment to the saucer takes a pile of junk mail from an outlet, and shreds it.]

[View outside the saucer. The park is scarred and burnt. One man, in a suit, approaches the saucer.]

[Cut to inside the saucer.]

Alien 2 - Their emissary approaches.

Alien 1 - Open the portal.

[Door opens.]

Jehova’s Witness - Ah. Hello! I say, you’re not- Well! Um- Have you got a moment to talk about Jesus?

Alien 1 - Attack this planet!

[Cut to outside saucer, saucer arms and fires missiles.]

[Cut to a train station. Explosions are visible and audible all around the station. The station announcer speaks with a slick female voice.]

Station Announcer - Due to unexpected invasion works over the weekend and destruction of the line, all services are temporarily suspended. A bus replacement service will be arriving shortly to ferry you to your shelter. National Rail would like to take this opportunity to apologise for the inconvenience - we’re really bummed about it.

[All the waiting passengers just look bored.]

[A saucer lands in Hyde Park. Cut to inside the saucer. The aliens speak in a thick accent.]

Alien 1 - Signal for their surrender!

[Cut to outside saucer, detail of speakers. Speakers make incomprehensible announcement. Nobody takes any notice.]