[View outside the saucer. The park is scarred and burnt. One man, in a suit, approaches the saucer.]

[Cut to inside the saucer.]

Alien 2 - Their emissary approaches.

Alien 1 - Open the portal.

[Door opens.]

Jehova’s Witness - Ah. Hello! I say, you’re not- Well! Um- Have you got a moment to talk about Jesus?

Alien 1 - Attack this planet!

[Cut to outside saucer, saucer arms and fires missiles.]

[Cut to a train station. Explosions are visible and audible all around the station. The station announcer speaks with a slick female voice.]

Station Announcer - Due to unexpected invasion works over the weekend and destruction of the line, all services are temporarily suspended. A bus replacement service will be arriving shortly to ferry you to your shelter. National Rail would like to take this opportunity to apologise for the inconvenience - we’re really bummed about it.

[All the waiting passengers just look bored.]

[A saucer lands in Hyde Park. Cut to inside the saucer. The aliens speak in a thick accent.]

Alien 1 - Signal for their surrender!

[Cut to outside saucer, detail of speakers. Speakers make incomprehensible announcement. Nobody takes any notice.]